Hear WE Sing

That startling in-breath of recognition when we hear another BEing sounding out what WE recognize as truth…a mirror of our Soul. Those flashes of “YES! That’s exactly what pours through me too!” often arrive unexpectedly and from sources we could not have designed to be the case except for following those whispers that say “Turn here. Walk this way. Listen in now.” Our choice to follow those guides…or not. Through them, over and over again, I’ve grown in leaps and bounds in trust of what some name intuition. Equally, and in reflecting backwards, I also note a trail of tears, so to speak, when I’ve suppressed or ignored the guides. Both paths teach and right on time through songs longing to be sung.

These songs are not ours to keep nor hoard. These are ancient stories to offer forth, born of love and amplified through our collective heart. I receive truth coming though another’s voice that overlaps with mine which grows resonant through harmony when singing it out to you. What might you do with it when it arrives?

And then there are those songs that arise as inexplicable and provocative. A tale I do not know nor recognize, and shining light upon a place my Soul has not traveled. While I could go on waxing poetic about this for I love the beauty of poetic, lyrical expression, this piece I’m pointing to, asks to be sung very clearly as a vital part of the harmony of existence. I don’t want you to miss these roots due to the flowers above the ground.

So here’s the plain talk. My spouse Jessika and I work with a compassionate, insightful, really smart therapist who helps couples like us where one person is amidst gender transition and the other has been thrust into a transition because of it. In a recent session, our therapist asked me to start by sharing something I appreciate about Jessika. This is often how we step into these sessions when using the Imago method which is aimed at building empathy and understanding while creating a safe vessel for working through conflict. I offered my first round of appreciation and Jessika reflected back what she heard. After a few rounds of this, I found myself staring wide-eyed upon a recent recognition that tied directly to a deep appreciation I have for my spouse.

Recently we stumbled into a conflict that sent me spiraling down an old rabbit hole of resentment. I couldn’t believe that after all these many years of marriage—we’ve been together since 1998—through everything we have lived and worked through, and with the horrific weight of hate-fueled oppression pressing down from the darker side of human nature within our uncivil society at this time, I could not believe we were caught in discord around something I viewed as utterly benign. Had we entered some sort of bizarre time machine built in clandestine fashion by our cats, Oskar and Luna, that sent us back some twenty years into lessons long ago learned? Just as I was about to burrow fully into that well of resentment, I literally stopped in my tracks. My nosedive halted by one of those whispers from my guides reminding “You, as a couple are different from others, and different from the way you were.”

This was not a negative nor judgmental “other’ing”, this was simply a statement of truth. A remembrance I had somehow forgotten.

In our therapy session, I explained why this was meaningful to remember…in 3 parts.

1. We are a trans couple. We weren’t before, we are now. Most couples do not look like us. This is one of those still rare experiences that expands the Soul, mind and heart.

2. We now have a different set of lenses to gaze through when conflict arises, crafted from all that we have learned through transition. The moment I shifted my gaze that day to the new lens, I saw with clarity, exactly what was happening and why. And with that understanding, the path to resolve emerged. It was both a subtle and profound revelation.

3. This is where that deep appreciation I spoke of showed itself. I appreciate my spouse because she is trans. Trans people are wisdom carriers. Change agents. Songs I have never heard before, sing through her for having lived in this life for 53 years as a male, and now for the past handful of years as a trans female. Through her voice sounding out from her lived experience, I gather perspective that I would not have access to otherwise, and this changes me. Points me in the direction of my better angels whom I now listen to and trust more than ever before.

I extend my deep appreciation to all who are “other’ed” or labeled “different” by a society so stymied in forward growth by its fearful, narrow, and cutting characterizations of what is and what is not acceptable. Yes, all those souls are teachers and ever have been through time which includes the here and now.

And so, from one another, especially those who move through life differently than we do, we learn, grow, change, love, heal and with hope, open new gateways for the rising generations and those yet to arrive. The travelers who came before us did this for us. Now it is our turn.

For the “other” side of every startling in-take of breath from recognizing ourselves in songs sung and stories told, are the new and resonant harmonies carried forth through exhale…composed of remembrances and awakenings that have long awaited their release.

Hear WE sing, now and onward upon The Golden Boat.